Do you know this lurking fear when you are making a really big decision? This moment when you are about getting out of your comfort zone, your very well organized life, finally realizing that what you have is not exactly what you wanted? Whatever age you are any big change is going to affect you. It may affect you differently but for sure – it will affect you somehow. And not only you – your nearest family and your friends too.
However this is one side to the story. Apart from fear there is excitement and it is really up to you to let one of them to take over. I prefer excitement, but a little bit of fear is needed from time to time. Why? Because you need to stay focus if you want to get where you want.
I am about to travel to Poland to do the sailing training. I do not really know what to expect since I have never sailed. I am absolutely rubbish with directions and I am getting lost on a spot. I do not know if I am going to like it or hate it. But I want to try. I am scared and excited – I was trying to learn few things since I wanted to pass an exam so I can sail with whoever I want, do some cruises and perhaps charter a yacht and sail for a change. All this is scary but at the same time – good stuff!
Someone asked me – why do you do it? First I was annoyed. It should be simple to guess, I thought. But then I started to think about the answer. I went through – for fun, to try something new, no reason at all… but when I hear “no reason” I know that it is just an excuse and way of avoiding telling the truth. Because the answer to this type of questions is never easy. Even when you are answering to yourself only.
So really, why do I do that? Why do I push myself (and believe me, it is pushing since the things I am trying to learn and understand are really difficult, for me that is)? It is in my nature not to turn my back on a challenge, to try and see if I like things. Since my departure from Poland I needed to face so many different fears and uncertainties, I needed to do things which were difficult and boring just to keep myself on a surface. Yes, leaving safe haven is stressful and scary but staying in the same place without enjoying it is even worse.
I do not know if I like sailing, but I guess I will never know if I do not try. So keep your fingers crossed for me and I will keep you updated in this new section – M&M sailing – on the beauties and ugliness of living for the first time on a boat (I know, it is for a week only, so I will survive) when trying to learn how to stay afloat and sane!
Wander Seekers 
This line is spot on: “leaving safe haven is stressful and scary but staying in the same place without enjoying it is even worse”. I don’t imagine people get to old age and think well I spent 40 years doing a boring job I hated but I’m glad I never had the stress of stepping outside my comfort zone.
Western society is too in thrall to Aristotle’s idea that everything has to have a goal, an endpoint. So people always want to know “why” you’re doing things. I like Mallory’s response to the question of why he wanted to climb Everest: “Because it’s there”.
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I like his attitudes 🙂 Perhaps I am doing my sailing just because I can. And I am totally happy with this answer. I am happy that I want to try, that I am not stuck yet, that I can change something, still, despite going through so many changes and challenges in the past. But this is what makes my life different and exciting.
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